In all my years as a security guard, I’ve (Eddie Patrick) never seen anyone steal a cucumber! Groceries, I understand, but a cucumber? Teenagers do all kinds of things to masturbate, so I wouldn’t have been shocked if that’s what he wanted it for. I’ve seen worse. In fact, the second I pictured him (Archer Black) shoving it inside his ass, my dick got rock-hard. Right on time for the deepest cavity search I’ve ever done. Just as I thought, his butt was round and perky, and his tight asshole was begging to get destroyed. That’s when I knew that, maybe, if he showed me how deep he could put that cucumber in his throat and his ass, I wouldn’t call the cops.
